


can i just stay here?

by suicdr



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suicdr/pseuds/suicdr
Summary: "can i just stay here?!" i yelled at his face louder than i thought, sobbing uncontrollably. "spend the rest of my days here..?"
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	can i just stay here?

**Author's Note:**

> idk, i know i can't write well but i wanted to do it so..

iwaizumi smiled gently while looking at me with those shiny sparks in his so damn beautiful, dark eyes. after that, he placed one of his hands on my cheek which was getting a bit red. he didn't really paid attention to that fact; he was just looking straight into my eyes like they were the only things he could see. then he moved the hand that was slowly rubbing my skin to my hair. he would never admit it but i feel like he likes to play with them a lot.

the corners of my mouth slightly moved upward as i finally spoke up. "what are you doing, hm?" i whispered. 

"showing you affection that you wanted so bad" he said, rolling his eyes and then smirking a few seconds later. it was lovely.

"but weren't we watching the movie?" i moved my sight to my laptop which was placed in front of us. on a screen, there was a boy minding his own stuff in his room decorated with a lot of photos and posters. the movie wasn't interesting and i wasn't truly paying attention to the character's actions from the beginning. "i bet we missed some important scenes and now we would have no clue what's going-"

"i know you're not enjoying this movie anyway" he cut me off with his words which i didn't expect to happen. "i don't like it either".

"let's just choose another one then"

"can't we just cuddle?" he asked pulling me closer. 

i couldn't say 'no' to that. i was always the one who was asking for that, probably because i was the clingy one in this relationship. he didn't really mind that. he used to let me do whatever i wanted as long as he was comfortable with it. i genuinely couldn't ever find someone better than him. although we've had our differences, we've been trough a lot and we would always end up together, no matter what we've done. that's why i was sure, we'll stay together forever; even death won't do us apart.

he didn't get my response. i just quickly hugged him tightly while hiding my face in his soft hoodie. he smelled like home. he always did but i realized it not a long time ago. i've always felt safe when he was around. he could calm me down with just one sight; his eyes were telling me that everything would be okay and somehow i believed it. he knew me better than anyone else so he always knew how to deal with my problems. even when i didn't really wanted to talk with him about them, he used to patiently wait until i opened up to him. 

i couldn't imagine living without him by my side.

the boy gently curled a strand of my hair on his finger and started playing with it. i bet he was smiling to himself as he was doing that. in situations like that he would always show me his soft side and he would get really embarrassed if i ever mentioned it in a conversation with our friends. he didn't want to be seen as a sappy person.

"you know i love you, right?" he asked after a while of pure silence.

"yeah, i know" i teased him with a quick response, knowing that he was expecting me to say it back.

"you won't say that 'you love me back and i'm the most important person to you' like you always do?"

"my beautiful boyfriend is upset because of my dry response?" i laughed quietly, moving even closer to him.

"shut up" he sighed, hugging me even more tighter than i did which was a little surprising to me; he never was that much clingy to me.

maybe something was wrong and i didn't even notice it? at first, of course i found it a bit weird when he pulled me to a hug and asked me to pay my whole attention to him this evening right after he came back from work but i thought it was only because he was tired. what if there was another reason of his strange behavior?

"did something happened?" i asked as i looked at him, placing my chin on his chest.

"what do you mean?"

"you seem off"

"i just don't want you to go..." i didn't know what he meant my saying that. i surely wasn't going anywhere. he seemed to be afraid of losing me but i didn't know why.

"i'm not leaving you, okay?" i smiled happily. "hey, look at me. i'm not going anywhere, baby. i'll stay with you forever, i promise"

i was looking at him, trying to get his attention so he would look at back me but he refused to do it. i was waiting. waiting for him to spoke up and tell me what was wrong; he knew i won't let go until i find out why he was acting in a certain way. he couldn't hide anything from me. in the end, i was his boyfriend so i needed to know everything about him and his grief.

"you forgot again. am i right?" he laughed miserably.

i couldn't understand anything. was it something important? it seems like i did something wrong and unfortunately forgot about that but it wasn't possible. i wouldn't ever be able to just forget about something what clearly was bothering him. i was always memorizing those things, trying to be the best for him..

"forgot about what..? iwa-chan... please, tell me... did i do something..?" i was afraid of what he will say. 

he finally gave me a disappointed glare. i could see pain in his eyes but i couldn't find out why he felt that way. everything was completely fine a while ago and now he looked like he was about to cry. he was just staring at me with tears forming at the corners of his eyes. seeing him trying to stop them from falling down his face was making me feel bad. he was trying his best not to cry in front of me probably because he didn't want to ruin our happy moment or make me worry.

i placed my hand on his cheek, moving slightly closer to his face. i started rubbing his soft skin, while he was still stroking my hair. we were looking in each other's eyes again letting everything around us disappear. there were only us and nothing else mattered.

"you need to go, tooru" his voice was cracking up.

i could tell how near crying he was and it broke my heart. why was he in so much pain? he was struggling, trying to talk to me without sounding so pathetically sad, which wasn't really working. his sorrow was leaving his poor soul and starting to get palpable in the atmosphere. 

"... so please, say that you love me back before that dream ends"

"a dream...?"

"i know it would hurt you less if you'll do it"

and then the realization painfully hit me, making me aware that everything i was experiencing in that moment wasn't real. it was all happening only in my head. i could hear my heart breaking slowly in my chest, letting me fall apart which wasn't really that surprising.

i felt like it became kind of my routine. i was always getting ready to fall asleep late at night (which wouldn't happen if i still had iwa by my side, because he would take care of my sleep schedule) while hugging my pillow and playing a playlist of some calm song i used to listen to when i was trying to relax. hajime was appearing in my dreams everyday, probably because i missed him so much and i couldn't live without seeing his face. i was spending with him so much time, always having fun and doing things that we normally would do if he was still with me. at the end he was reminding me of a sad part of this. it was all my imagination and eventually i had to wake up. 

i must've accept the reality that he was dead.

i got distracted from thinking by his soft lips softly touching my forehead. i just noticed i let the tears leave the corners of my eyes and i started tearing up without realizing it earlier. it hurts so much, knowing you have to wake up without person you love the most by your side; knowing you can see that person only in your beautiful dreams. my chest hurt.

"i'm sorry, tooru"

"can i just stay here?!" i yelled at his face louder than i thought, sobbing uncontrollably. "spend the rest of my days here..?"

he was just staring at me, acting like he was feeling sorry for me. in reality, he wasn't feeling anything; he wasn't even real and i knew it. but i would give anything to stay here with the version of him i created in my head. i would give anything to never wake up from this dream and stay with him forever. i missed him so much and i still couldn't recover from what happened only a few weeks ago. i wasn't used to live without iwa, because he was always with me. all my important memories was shared with my childhood friend and the best boyfriend i could ever have.

i moved closer, putting our foreheads together and grabbing him by the collar of his gray hoodie, his favorite which i loved to steal from him. i wanted to stay in his arms forever but knew it wasn't possible. the pain in my chest was getting stronger with every passing minute.

"'cause you make me feel like..."

i didn't get to finish the sentence, because as soon as i opened my eyes again, a boy that was laying next to me disappeared. i was alone in my own room. i would do anything to hug him and tell him how important he was to me and how much i loved him.

but he's already gone.

and he'll never come back.


End file.
